26 December

Do you ever wake up, gung-ho for the day, but you have to spend it doing something other than what you’re so excited for? Well, I feel this today, but I’m not bothered by it. I don’t think it will leave. Maybe temporarily, but not for good. I’m ready to explode.
Life, for me, now, as in, currently and recently, is about finding a free place to crash temporarily and work before moving on. I don’t know how long this will go on, but I love it right now.
Christmas is over, Papa is buried, New Year’s is in five days or so, which lends me the days between yesterday and next year to make money, money I desperately need, so that I can keep going, doing what is right. Right for me.
My life is: chaotic, random, planned, normal, exotic, exciting, uncertain, dangerous, safe (I’m in the US, things aren’t so bad here), finite, going to end, my own, what I make of it, my experiences translated for my own understanding based on my past experiences that have made who I am, dirty, beautiful, true, a search for purity, outside of resumes, bound within a sinking monetary system yet minimally participating, changing, developing, growing in experience, wonderful, pleasant, unpleasant, mixed-media artwork, continuing…
From life I want purity, honesty, truth, peace of mind and heart and soul, certainty in myself without the assurance of others…
BREATHE – Friday Saturday Sunday Monday Tuesday New Year’s Eve 1January
Work earn money work work drive-party rest -> then, find work, write book, live.
Looks like I’ve only got a few things I gotta do!
I get nervous of telling people what I’m going to do because then they expect me to do that. NONSENSE! on my part. Let them define. It doesn’t matter what I do. I’m going to create. So, I can say, “I’m gonna write a book.” And then get bored with that idea and build a shopping cart out of branches. And they’ll say, “What about the book?” and I’ll say, “I’m building a shopping cart now.” And they may be confused, but that’s not my problem. If they’re confused, they can ask if they truly care. And if they don’t truly care, why should I about their response to me? I want them to care? I shouldn’t care about that. All I want to do is create. Express. I’m going to. And it will be difficult, but that’s exciting. I’m gung-ho, afterall. I’m looking forward to this. I’ve always liked a challenge. Dad’s always called me “extreme.” Whatever that means, I’m looking forward to everything.
Everyone’s caught up in the diminishing economy! The tumultuous political and economic situation we find ourselves. THEY NEED SOMETHING NEW! I’m something new. No I’m not. But I’m pure to myself. People need to be pure to themselves. The world needs purity and honesty. I need purity and honesty. I want to find those others who are seeking purity and honesty and together, we’ll thrive and others can either join us or deny our mission, but it’s not a mission! It’s just living. It’s a decision regarding how we want to live! My friends who are my inspiration. We will do what we want to do and we will make it work for us and disregard what others say we should do because that wouldn’t be our own truth, it’d be someone else's view toward the world and all anyone can have is their own view regarding life and it’s good they have theirs and it’s good for you to have your own but it’s good for us to have ours and you should be excited that we do and I’m excited for you, as long as you come to your mindset by your own avenue. Find truth! Live for truth! Demand truth, but don’t wait for someone else to hand it to you. Demand it from yourself and find it in your own way. I’ll do the same. And I’m excited about it. Let’s do. Let’s grow. Like the seedling buried beneath concrete, let’s press through and thrive despite the heaviness of construction, “progress,” industry. I am a seedling, and I got a root going deep and it’s going to support me as I press through the middle of the street and all those god-forsaking automobiles WILL go around me. I will be watered by torrents of creativity, rainstorms of experience outside society’s normalcy. Watch me grow or don’t, but prepare to swerve.